dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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