why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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