woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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