Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
