i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
