Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
