i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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