had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
