There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
