she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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