if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
birth control should be required to get into college
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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