So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
