As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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