cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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