everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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