Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
