Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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