So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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