"it" just moved
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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