You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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