its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
