Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
