You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
