I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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