you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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