i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
