Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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