He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
