I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
