Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
