theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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