so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
