Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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