Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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