You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
