i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
