there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
