Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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