She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
