She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
