just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
