I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it's like heaven, but drunker
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
