11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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