Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
