never play flip cup with pint glasses
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
