the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
