Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
