Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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