we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
