he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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