The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
